Party of Five review project: Season 1 Episode 2 “Homework”

In this episode Claudia has to construct a family tree for her class and ends up deciding she wants to track down their grandfather who has been out of the picture for 30 years. She seems to do so with ease and then we find out it isn’t her grandfather but instead an old man who lives on a boat. Way to go, Claudia.

Bailey (who I found out is supposed to be 16) has feelings for their older nanny Kirsten and tempers flair when he finds out she has asked Charilie out on a date. Some “screw you” comments were thrown around and it was fun but not juicy enough for me.

Julia is obsessed with not being a nerd anymore (which I guess means going to parties and ignoring her homework) and I can see her starting to fall into the wrong crowd, or at least being a complete dumb dumb for no reason. I also spotted a young Brittany Murphy as one of the popular girls in a crowd and that was pretty neat.

In the end Charlie doesn’t go on his date with Kirsten, not because he doesn’t see it might not be a great idea to bang his nanny, but because he doesn’t want to hurt Bailey’s feelings and they all talk about renting a boat to go sailing.

I give this episode four old salty seamen out of five.

Party of Five review project: Season 1 Episode 1 “Pilot”

My first thoughts upon starting this episode were “holy shit, everyone is soooo young”. It’s pretty wild to see.

The first few minutes do a surprisingly succinct job of getting across just what sort of situation all these kids are in as they try and hold life together six moths after losing their parents in a car accident.

Julia is already moody and angsty and becomes even more so when her obvious shithead “boyfriend” dumps her. I can’t wait.

Bailey is likeable and doing his best to sort of try and understand where everyone is coming from.

Claudia is tiny and good at playing the violin and mostly sort of stays out of the way.

Baby Owen is throwing a monkey wrench into the plan by being a dumb baby with a dumb name and he needs a nanny.

Charlie is the oldest and therefore trying to be smart with the money they have which is annoying everyone else because they resent him for it.

Tempers flair when the rest of the family finds out he lost 12 grand of their money after a business partner fled and everyone calls him a hypocrite.

But then he gets a job (at what I think was their fathers restaurant?) and everyone can see he’s at least trying finally and the episode ends.

I give it four “Go to hell, Charlie”‘s followed by a door slam out of five.

The Party of Five review project

I have decided to watch and review all 142 episodes of the melodramatic 90’s television show Party of Five. Why? just because I can (and because I recently bought the complete DVD box set for $20.99 Canadian dollars and because I keep paying for this domain name and never use it for anything).

I have fond but hazy memories of watching the show while it was airing, but certainly never watched anywhere close to the entire run of episodes. I can remember a few major plot beats and a nearly unbearably whiny Neve Campbell more than anything and I am pretty excited to get back there.

There will be poorly written spoilers aplenty and I have no set deadline or goal, so it could take forever, but I’m going to try my best to talk about this show that nobody is talking about in an attempt to fill some sort of unidentified void in my life that I’m not quite ready to come to terms with.

Feel free to follow along!

400 in ’15: #400: That’s a wrap!

I finally finished this stupid ass personal goal/project/waste of time.

In case it wasn’t 100% obvious, I don’t think of this as any sort of achievement. In fact, I can’t count the number of times throughout the year I completely regretted even trying it. There were times I watched a movie because I felt like I HAD to, and it was partly funny and amusing to me, but also started to really get annoying.

There were also countless times I thought I’d never make it. In the middle especially. When you’re too far in to remember the start, but also too far from the end to see the conclusion. I actually did some math at a few points and realized I had to start watching multiple films a day if I wanted to get ahead of schedule.

It was madness. MADNESS.

Look, I LOVE movies. Almost more than any other form of entertainment. That’s why I did it. Also because I’m a masochist but that’s another story.

Pulling this off makes me wonder how many movies I watch in a normal year. I know it’s nowhere near 400 for certain, but part of me almost wants to keep tracking it (I won’t, though).

I never said or posted anything, but all the data was kept in this poorly laid out spreadsheet so you can look at it if you are a weirdo.

Now I can give you some random stats:

Approximate time spent watching these 400 movies (based on IMDb runtimes): 42,762 MINUTES or 712.7 HOURS or 29.7 DAYS

Films I watched for the first time: 285

Oldest film I watched: Häxan (1922)

Average release year: 2002

Chances I’ll ever do this again: 0

Also, in case you were curious, my favorite movie of 2015 was Mad Max: Fury Road for being not only the best new movie I saw, but legitimately one of my favorite films EVER and the best action movie to grace our presence in probably forever. Give George Miller an Oscar or go fuck yourselves, academy.

I’ll probably not watch a movie for a few days now. Might actually use the time to catch up on some TV shows now that I don’t feel pressured to divide my time up so much.

Ahhh, who am I kidding, I’m going to go re-watch Fury Road to celebrate!

See ya!

400 in ’15: #400: The Other Woman

I’ve taken on the challenge of trying to watch 400 films in 2015. I will update this blog after each one and hopefully write a small blurb (NOT necessarily a review) about it. Come along for the journey, won’t you!?

Number: 400
Film: The Other Woman
Released: 2014
Director: Nick Cassavetes
Viewed previously?: No


It’s OVER! wooo!

for my final movie, I thought about watching something real awesome or that meant a lot to me, but then I decided that’s boring and INSTEAD chose to watch a movie that I wouldn’t ever even bother with if I wasn’t actively trying to watch 400 fucking movies in a year.

That movie is “The Other Woman” starring Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann and Kate Upton as women who have been cheated on by Jamie from Game of Thrones and the story about how they try and get revenge on him.

It’s also really, really bad and borderline insufferable. The most cliche ridden shoe horned movie I’ve watched in a long ass time.

The best part was watching Kate Upton be Kate Upton.

The worst part was everything else including really groan inducing little musical montages inserted randomly (yes, really) and just the general air of “HEY THIS IS SOOOO FUNNY” that everyone involved seemed to really believe.

Every little joke and bit falls so flat it’s almost embarrassing.

Fuck, there’s a goddamn “I PUT EX-LAX IN HIS DRINK NOW HE’S SHITTING HIS PANTS! AHAHAHAHAH” scene that goes on way too long and isn’t funny.

This was terrible and I am officially not writing anymore about it.

Stay tuned for a wrap up post…sometime!

400 in ’15: #399: The Godfather: Part III

I’ve taken on the challenge of trying to watch 400 films in 2015. I will update this blog after each one and hopefully write a small blurb (NOT necessarily a review) about it. Come along for the journey, won’t you!?

Number: 399
Film: The Godfather: Part III
Released: 1990
Director: Francis Ford Coppola
Viewed previously?: No


So, I decided I had to finish off the trilogy and popped this one in.

It’s the shortest of the bunch (but still clocks in at just under 3 fucking hours) but somehow FEELS like the longest. It drags like a mother fucker and that’s not a good sign.

It also feels like a mess of a film.

I think maybe because the huge time gap from the previous film to this one, something, perhaps some kind of “magic” was completely lost because this isn’t a great movie.

There’s something about the pope and the Vatican and two cousins fucking each other and an opera singer and Michael Corleone being a withered old fuck with diabetes and it’s all just so boring that it felt like a slog to get through.

Special mention has to go to Sofia Coppola, who turns in a TERRIBLE performance as Mary, the daughter. I didn’t know much about this one going in, except that her performance has been criticized by just about everyone in the world, and boy, they aren’t wrong. It’s as if she’s reading from cue cards 90% of the time and then just badly winging it the other 10% Truly bad.

Al Pacino is also in full “old man Pacino” mode by this point and while it’s kind of entertaining it also doesn’t really fit what the character is or was.

Big ol’ MEH to this one.

400 in ’15: #398: Fantastic Mr. Fox

I’ve taken on the challenge of trying to watch 400 films in 2015. I will update this blog after each one and hopefully write a small blurb (NOT necessarily a review) about it. Come along for the journey, won’t you!?

Number: 398
Film: Fantastic Mr. Fox
Released: 2009
Director: Wes Anderson
Viewed previously?: No


You know what this is?

A Wes Anderson movie I hadn’t seen. I don’t know how. I don’t know why.

Every Christmas I ask for one or two Criterion films (cause those fuckers are expensive!) and this was one of them.

So I’ve finally watched it.

And it was absolutely fantastic.

It is of course, a film adaptation of the Roald Dahl children’s book.

Is it possible that’s why I never bothered to watch this film? I honestly don’t think it is. Wes Anderson is on my short list of “never miss” directors and so I’m really not sure why it took so long for me to watch this.

I LOVE the stop motion and art direction in this. Everything is just so fucking gorgeous looking.

That Wes Anderson humor not only shines through, it’s actually here as much as any of his other films if you ask me. You know how I know? I visited IMDB and saw a thousand “I don’t get it” posts. That’s how I know.

To me, it was hilarious. I laughed out loud several times, and I even got emotional more than once. Like I do with every Wes Anderson movie, so again. It’s all here.

The cast is also fantastic. Clooney and Jason Schwartzman especially.

What a wonderful, wonderful film.

400 in ’15: #397: Scrooged

I’ve taken on the challenge of trying to watch 400 films in 2015. I will update this blog after each one and hopefully write a small blurb (NOT necessarily a review) about it. Come along for the journey, won’t you!?

Number: 397
Film: Scrooged
Released: 1988
Director: Richard Donner
Viewed previously?: No


Well, it just so happens to be Christmas day, and even though I’ve not been feeling at all Christmassy this year, I decided to watch this one anyway.

It stars Bill Murray as an asshole TV executive in what is basically a modernization of the Dickens classic “Scrooge” in which he’s visited by the three ghosts and undergoes a drastic change of character.

I remember seeing bits of this as a kid. The ghost of Christmas past in the cab really brought back some memories, bu that’s really all I remembered, so it was really cool to see.

I thought it was really good, mostly, obviously, because Bill Murray is one of my favorite human beings.

I laughed at a few parts and enjoyed how dark it is at some points as well.

not a huge fan of Christmas films, but I could make watching this one a bit of a tradition.

Good shit.

400 in ’15: #396: Häxan

I’ve taken on the challenge of trying to watch 400 films in 2015. I will update this blog after each one and hopefully write a small blurb (NOT necessarily a review) about it. Come along for the journey, won’t you!?

Number: 396
Film: Häxan
Released: 1922
Director: Benjamin Christensen
Viewed previously?: No


Häxan is a Swedish/Danish silent film released in 1922.

It is presented mainly as a documentary focused on studying superstition, mental illness and mass hysteria that lead to the witch-hunts in the 15th century.

It’s incredibly odd but also incredibly good.

I say it’s mainly a documentary, but there are segments that are acted out in normal drama/horror fashion that are pretty damn creepy. I can’t imagine seeing stuff like this in 1922. There’s witches doing terrible things, dead babies, torture, THE DEVIL (who looks seriously creepy) and a number of other satanic looking monsters. Mostly likely some very pioneering stuff.

It shows us witch rituals and how the devil supposedly corrupted and controlled them and other people to do heinous things and it’s all presented in this dreamlike crazy state that I can’t quite explain.

For me, it was hard going at first. I don’t think I was in the silent movie type mood. It makes things move a lot slower without voiceover, BUT as the film went on I totally got into it and ended up really enjoying this one.

I watched the Criterion collection release and was pleasantly surprised by the quality.

What a delightfully strange one.

400 in ’15: #395: The Godfather: Part II

I’ve taken on the challenge of trying to watch 400 films in 2015. I will update this blog after each one and hopefully write a small blurb (NOT necessarily a review) about it. Come along for the journey, won’t you!?

Number: 395
Film: The Godfather: Part II
Released: 1974
Director: Francis Ford Coppola
Viewed previously?: No


Part II of the Godfather trilogy focuses on Michael expanding his crime syndicate through several different states and even Cuba, doing business with some shady people while dealing with tons of people close to him he can’t trust.

It also jumps around to telling the story of a young Vito Corleone (De Niro) before he was the Godfather in the first film and while I didn’t think this little sub-story was all that neccesary, it actually grew on me the more the film went on. Mostly because of De Niro.

It’s no wonder I took a few weeks to watch the second part because this is a long ass movie. I feel there certainly are shots and scenes that go on too long, but for the most part it’s actually not too bad, the length comes from the fact that it’s such a dense film.

I enjoyed it greatly and when you sit back and think about it, it’s probably the best, or one of the best sequels ever made.

I’m going to try and watch the third before the year is over…but can’t make any promises.